Wednesday, November 04, 2015

How to Be a Bond Girl

My best Bond girl "impersonation." What should my name be? Wait -- I shouldn't ask that of male readers!
I guess you can tell already that this post is not exactly going to be the deepest, juiciest, and most provocative piece of journalism that I've written for Go Retro. However, the newest James Bond flick, Spectre, opens this weekend and to quote Dieter from Sprockets, "I'm as happy as a little girl." A Bond girl, that is.

Maybe it seems silly to be writing a post on how to be (or really, feel and look like) a Bond woman but given the way the average American woman currently presents herself in some parts of this country, it isn't the worst thing to aspire to look like a female from a 007 movie. There's a lot we can learn from Bond women -- and thankfully, you don't need to give yourself a saucy, sexual-sounding name or paint your entire body head-to-toe in gold to emulate one. So without further ado, here's six common noticeable traits from Bond women through the decades that can help you unleash your inner Pussy Galore.



1. Bond Women Dress to Kill

Pulled together and proper for the setting; that's how I would describe a Bond woman's wardrobe. From swimsuits to glamorous evening gowns to no-nonsense work or casual gear, the Bond lady always looks sophisticated and sexy -- but never sleazy. And I think it's safe to say that a Bond woman would never be caught dead in public sporting the activewear "fashion" trend or hoodies, sweatpants, pajamas, or anything baggy, ragged, and/or frumpy. Even in bed on the big screen -- if she isn't wearing her birthday suit -- she's wearing a nice negligee, robe...or Bond's shirt. 




Oh, and tattoos and piercings? Nope, just nope. The one exception was Magda and her octopussy tattoo, but in general Bond women don't ink their bodies. It seems that jewelry is kept on the conservative side as well.


2. Bond Women Wear Classic Makeup That Brings Out Their Best Features

If you're going to emulate a Bond girl, then you don't want to overdo it with the makeup. I've noticed that the makeup sported by most Bond women through the decades is a classic look that brings out the ladies' best features and never veers towards garish. During the '60s, the eyes were a bit smokey (of course!) and the lips a more nude, natural looking tone. 


Even during the '80s, the Bond movie makeup artists stayed away from the bright, nearly neon eyeshadow and lip colors popular during the era and kept the look more classic for Bond ladies. Tanya Roberts here as Stacey Sutton in 1985's A View to A Kill has beautiful blended peach and brown shades on that really make her blue eyes pop. 


3. Bond Women Have Touchable Hair of a Certain Length


I know there's been a few exceptions where a Bond lady sported a shorter hairstyle (such as Gloria Hendry's afro from Live and Let Die, Halle Berry's pixie in Die Another Day, or Rudy Bartlett's awful, Mama's Family-like curly do in On Her Majesty's Secret Service) but for the most part the Bond girls have worn their hair at least chin-length or longer that moved; they're not sticky or contain a lot of styling product. I think Bond prefers ladies with hair he can run his hands through. 


One of my favorite Bond girls is Maryam D'Abo, the cellist playing agent in The Living Daylights. She had this great, classic bob cut (one of my favorite go-to haircuts) that works in any decade, which really makes her look in the movie timeless for 1987. 




4. Bond Women Are In Shape

In today's overly PC world I sincerely hope I don't offend anyone with this next paragraph or two, so how can I put this? Bond women in film are always slender and have an enticing figure. But that doesn't mean you have to be a size 8 or smaller to be just as sexy (especially if you have well fitting clothes that flatter your body type.) It does mean working out and getting some exercise. Otherwise, how else are you going to run away from the bad guy who wants to take over the world or leap onto Bond's motorcycle when he swings by to save the day? 


Personally, I've finally gotten myself back into my regular every-other-day workout of cardiovascular exercise, lifting weights, and strength training and I can't believe how much energy it's given me, especially as I've moved it to a morning routine. If Oddjob or Jaws shows up at my doorstep now, I'm ready to kick some serious butt!


5. Bond Women Are Strong and Smart


Something I've always admired about the women in Bond's life is that for the most part, they're not bimbos. Well, most of them, anyway. It seems to me that the professions in general of the Bond girls became more admirable as we ventured into the '80s, '90s, and beyond -- becoming nuclear physicists, medical officers, and M16 employees -- compared to the occasional mistresses, gold diggers, and tarot card readers of the '60s and '70s. Some of them have also had to overcome early incidents of sexual assault. However, most Bond women on film -- whether they're on Bond's side or working for his nemesis -- are clever, cunning, strong, and ambitious...even if that ambition is to bed Bond. They always get their guy. 


And even if they don't get him, Bond women are never clingy around James or other men. They're independent and know how to stand on their own two feet. 




6. Bond Women Are Classy and Sophisticated

It isn't just the fact that Bond women are usually well traveled and speak more than one language; it's the fact that they mind their p's and q's and know how to conduct themselves at the dinner table. They also seem more grown up compared to their peers of the same age (the younger Bond girls, that is.)

Spectre opens this Friday in U.S. theaters. I can't wait!

3 comments:

  1. I've never heard anyone break down the characteristics of the typical Bond girl before. I believe that you pretty much nailed it. To summarize all your points - The typical Bond girl is the perfect male fantasy. That sums it up!

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  2. They all tend to speak with a quasi-Euro accent too, so that when they address James Bond they pronounce his name phonetically as "Jems". So work on the dialect, Pam. Lord knows you've already got the sophisticated good looks down pat! :)

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  3. Ha ha; thanks, Pete. "Jems"...I like that.

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