Tuesday, March 15, 2016

I'm A Woman, and I Love It When A Man Holds A Door Open For Me


Has feminism gone too far? I've seen some weird things online lately the past few weeks. First there was an article out of the UK that said men in the workplace were scared of assisting a female coworker for fear that they could be accused of sexual harassment. Another strange article spoke of "birth rape", or when a woman having a baby feels that she's been violated somehow because the doctors and nurses touched her "down there" with their hands or tools during delivery.

But the most out-there statement was one I saw today, while reading an article about a guy that was fed up with women choosing "scum" guys over the nice ones. He taped up copies of a typed note to women in general all over his town, lamenting that no one wanted him to carry groceries for them.

While I admit that his note was probably a little creepy and perhaps not the right way for him to channel his energy, it was one woman's comment on the article itself that I really took offense with. She commented with, "Things that rapists do: hold doors open for women."

SCREECH! (That was a record player's needle falling off the vinyl, in case you couldn't figure it out.) Let's wait just a cotton picking moment here...

It's a pretty sad state that society is in when women complain that guys are holding doors open for them. They find it sexist and want to be taken as an independent female. Yet, these are the same women that will complain that there are no good men yet, and that chivalry is dead.

All of which is BS, of course.

If enough women complain about something so stupid, what do you think is going to happen? Men will start saying f--- it, and NO ONE will be holding doors open for us. Way to go, feminism!

Honestly, too many women today need to chill out. One of the best pieces of dating advice that I read years ago was about how women today are too strong and independent when it comes to looking for love and while they're in the actual relationship. The guy who wrote it said it's perfectly OK to be a woman in charge at work, and commandeering the conference room. But at the end of the day, a woman still needs to be a woman while a man still needs to be a man. Too many women forget this, and refuse to let their hair down. ("Let him open the pickle jar for you," the article advised.)

I agree. Why is it so important? Because no matter how advanced the human species gets, at the end of the day our DNA is basically the same as our ancestors that walked the earth thousands of years ago. A man still likes to protect his homestead and lady, and he doesn't mind being the strong one and helping a woman out by killing a spider or disposing of a mousetrap. It's going to affirm his manhood.

This doesn't mean that women shouldn't check their tires and oil in the car, or do handy work around the house. I'm also not saying that you should be a stay-at-home housewife and wear a dress while you cook dinner for your husband. Not at all. But men and women still have roles to play because that's what makes us celebrate our differences.

I've lived at home my entire life and after my father passed away, my mother and I took to learning how to repair things here and there around the house. A few summers ago we replaced the screen mesh in the porch, which was no quick task. We had to free each section of framing by unscrewing the wooden panels around each one, remove the old screen mesh, and measure, cut, and insert the new one by then pushing it into place with a little tool that looked like a mini pizza cutter.

It was actually pretty exhausting work during the summer...and as proud as I am to say I know how to do certain things around the house, it would have been much easier to deal with if I had a boyfriend at the time that could have helped with this project.

Not once have I ever taken offense at anyone that held a door open for me, and most importantly, I always thank the person, another practice that seems to have fallen by the wayside today. I don't care if the guy is 8 years old or 80; I always appreciate it.

So don't assume that just because a guy wants to hold a door open for you that he intends to rape you! Chances are he's such being polite. He's just being chivalrous. You should be grateful that his parents or someone close to him obviously raised him right.

We already live in a pretty messed up, overly politically correct, narcissistic society. Let's not make this any more complicated than it should be.

11 comments:

  1. Pam; I'll comment. I am a northern male who was trained by my Mom (her, raised in the south in the 40s, where it seemed to be important) to be a polite gentleman, at least as good as she could do as a single, uneducated, mother. I don't mean only at specific moments, but all the time. I mean, no elbows on table, mouths closed, chivalry, napkins and tableware, addressing people, arts and style, speak when spoken to, elder respect, the whole shebang. I grew up in the north though, and as expected, I took quite a bit of ridicule from male peers, but I also was ridiculed at times from young female(!?) peers. Only a few times was I rebuffed from feminists for simple acts like holding a door(but they made it clear!). Over decades I have realized it was lack of class and training on the part of their parents, and now I have simply gave up (other than my close family). Harsh, but it is my experience. SAHD

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    1. Stay-At-Home-Dad, it's great to hear from you! I'm not the least bit surprised that your southern mom raised you that way (and kudos to her.) When I visited Georgia while in high school, the one thing I remember the most was how polite people were, and accommodating to complete strangers. My friend and I were in a mall there and wondering if it had a certain store found in the Boston area, and the kindest couple, overhearing our conversation, turned around the directed us to it. Anyways, your mother definitely raised you right and I hope you won't stop because of others' poor behavior.

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    3. SAHD, your Southern roots do you credit. I'm a Tx gal in my late 40's, and my Mamma taught me to open or hold doors for EVERYONE - especially the very young, the elderly, and those with special needs - if I got to a door first. Anyone who didn't was just not brought up right.
      I'll also "Sir" and "Ma'am" you to death, say "Bless You", "Good Morning", "Pardon me", and was taught to "Thank you kindly" when anyone did _anything_ nice for me. I have passed these habits on to my sons. It's just common civility down here, and I am not giving it up. Courtesy has NOTHING to do with being a feminist (which I am in thought and deed) and everything to do with living in a civilized society. It's sad that too many people associate being a feminist with not allowing people to be courteous. Feminism is the belief that everyone is equal and should be able to strive towards their ambitions without being handicapped by sex. Manners are the societal grease that help us all get along with less friction. At least feminism isn't associated with those poor souls who get all bent out of shape when you tell them to "have a nice day". Those folks are just sad.
      (Note: this comments section needs an edit feature.)

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  2. Sadly, this is becoming more & more a generational thing I think. When I'm at the bus stop with a group of other people, I always step back to let the women enter first. Same thing when when waiting for an elevator, if I'm closest to the door I'll hold it to let the women get on first. Almost every time, the younger women will get on the bus or elevator without any acknowledgement--it's always the older ones who will smile at you or say thank you.

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    1. Doug, I'll hold the door open for anyone entering behind me and have to say there's been a few times when I was ignored, by men as well as women, and various ages (although it hash't happened for a while.) It seems moms with strollers are the most appreciative for obvious reasons. Anyways, I hope you won't let others' behavior affect your politeness.

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  3. Pam, same here with me. I was raised in the South and we were taught our manners! Just today, I was at work and we had an impromptu meeting in a boss's office. Of course, there were not enough chairs. Several gentleman (yours truly included, naturally) got up and offered their chairs to ladies entering the room. Yeah, it was a bit awkward, but they eventually accepted. My question is: why should it be awkward?!? After all, it makes for such a more civil society!! Geez, what's the big deal?!?

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  4. Pam, same here with me. I was raised in the South and we were taught our manners! Just today, I was at work and we had an impromptu meeting in a boss's office. Of course, there were not enough chairs. Several gentleman (yours truly included, naturally) got up and offered their chairs to ladies entering the room. Yeah, it was a bit awkward, but they eventually accepted. My question is: why should it be awkward?!? After all, it makes for such a more civil society!! Geez, what's the big deal?!?

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    1. I was on the "T" in Boston a few years ago on a crowded car when I noticed there was a young pregnant woman standing near me. I offered her my seat and she said "Oh no, that's OK" and felt almost bad about taking it...a few other women also chimed in and one stood up and made her sit down. I noticed that none of the guys nearby offered to give up their seat. Yes, it was a little awkward and it shouldn't have been. I grew up believing that someone should always give up their seat on public transportation for a pregnant woman that doesn't have one.

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  5. As the proud owner of a gentleman (he wouldn't mind me saying that) and the mother of three gentlemen, I don't feel like I've lost any power at all. Some people are just weird, male or female.

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    1. You definitely deserve a pat on the back, Cherdo!

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