Featured Post

9 Songs Written By Prince Covered By Other Artists

My biggest Prince memory is of a college friend that was madly in love with him. So much so, that she invited me and other friends to her...

Thursday, May 03, 2012

The Verbal Smackdowns of Fred Sanford

Photo from sitcomsonline.com
I'm working on a new blog post--I swear--but in the meantime I thought I would provide some chuckles by posting some of the best lines ever uttered by Fred Sanford on the sitcom Sanford and Son. When he wasn't calling his son Lamont a "big dummy", most of his venomous zingers were aimed at his sister-in-law Esther's looks, and downright funny. There are 50 ways to call someone ugly, and Fred Sanford knew every one of them!

Fred Sanford: I brought you somethin' too, Esther.
Aunt Esther: Why, that's nothing but a clear piece of plastic.
Fred Sanford: No, it ain't. Put it up to your face. That's your Hallowe'en mask.

Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford why is it every time I come over to your house you call me ugly?
Fred Sanford: Because I'm not the type to lie.

Aunt Esther: Woodrow and I are going to have a baby.
Fred Sanford: Well somebody better call the zoo.

Aunt Esther: I cant believe it, you with a mop in your hand? Its about time you faced up to this mess.
Fred Sanford: Speaking of facing up to this mess, who messed up this face?

Fred Sanford: Who is it?
Aunt Esther: It's Esther!
Fred Sanford: Esther who?
Aunt Esther: You know Esther who! Open this door fool!
Fred Sanford: I can't open the door!
Aunt Esther: Why not?
Fred Sanford: You too ugly! 

From mythirdparent.tumblr
Fred Sanford: Polly-Esther - that's you. Half woman, half parrot!

Fred Sanford: Goodbye, dear
Aunt Esther: Oh, you called me dear.
Fred Sanford: Why shouldn't I call you DEER? You look like Bambi's father!

Fred Sanford: Listen, Esther. In the first place, you can't enter that contest because you're not eligible. See one of the things you have to be is a part of a certain race.
Woody Anderson: What race?
Fred Sanford: Human!

Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?
Fred Sanford: I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, you just a messy fool.
Fred Sanford: And you just a sessy pool.

Aunt Esther: Today is my lucky day.
Fred Sanford: Why? Did you look at yourself in the mirror and it didn't break?

Fred Sanford: [to Aunt Esther] I warn you, woman, vengeance is among me! And ugly is among you.

Aunt Esther: My body was blessed by Mother Nature, honey.
Fred Sanford: And as you got older, it was cursed by Father Time.

Fred Sanford: Ester what are you doing here?
Aunt Esther: What do you mean what am I doing here?
Fred Sanford: Well Wolfwoman don't come out till there's a full moon.

Aunt Esther: "ohhh glory!"
Fred Sanford: "ohhh ugly!"

Fred Sanford: All you got to do is enlist Esther in the Navy. And that way, you can have her face buried at sea!

Lamont Sanford: She's (Aunt Esther's) gonna be competing with her own peers.
Fred Sanford: Her Peers?
Lamont Sanford: Yes.
Fred Sanford: You mean Godzilla is in the contest?

Fred Sanford (to Esther): If you have to take your clothes off, that's criminal.

Fred Sanford (to Esther when she's about to adopt a child): He will like you, Esther. All children love animals.

Here's the classic gorilla cookie quote:


  1. That's a fabulous collection of put-downs! ANd many of them are quite fabulous!

  2. Brilliant, just brilliant. Fred was the man. Poor Esther! Loved this post Pam :)

  3. Great post. My family loved this show. I have some good memories of us watching it together. Hope that you have been doing well lately.

  4. Thanks for the morning chuckle Pam--I laughed at Fred's gorilla cookie line before I saw you posted the clip at the bottom!

    Seeing this brings back good memories of my Dad, Esther made him laugh so hard he'd have a 'sneeze attack' (which for some reason made the rest of my family crack up--my poor dad)

    I can still remember sometime around '75 when Redd Foxx went on strike with the show, and the news reported he was demanding the 'unheard amount of 25K a week'. I don't know if he got it, but I thought for sure the show was gonna be canceled!

  5. Thank you for this! I love Sanford and Son. This put a big smile on my face!

    LaWanda Page and Fred Sanford were friends from high school and I believe he helped her get the job on the show. All I can say is that we were never the same! :)


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Like This Post? Share It!