Saturday, January 18, 2014

The Most Awful Knitting Idea Ever Conceived


I've been knitting since I was 10 years old, so trust me when I say I've come across some horrendous knitting patterns in that time, which includes the 1980s and 1990s decades, after all. Other retro blogs have also showcased bizarre 1970s-era fashions to knit ranging from dickies to bodysuits for men. 

But nothing could prepare me for the knitwear booklet cover above, that I found on the appropriately-named blog The Knitting Needle and the Damage Done

This is, without a doubt, the....Worst. Knitting. Idea. Ever.

Gee, do I want to begin with making the Klan hood? Or maybe one of the rapist starter kits? 

The ONLY conceivable idea I can dream up for wanting this knitting pattern would be to use Fun Fur yarn and knit yourself a Wolfman mask for Halloween. But even that's a stretch. And the saddest thing to me, as a knitter, was learning that the patterns were designed by Meg Swansen. That name may not mean much to the average person, but Swansen is the daughter of Elizabeth Zimmerman, a VERY talented knitwear designer and former columnist of Vogue Knitting, among other prestigious knitwear achievements!

I'm creeped out looking at it. I got even more creeped out when I realized the father looks like he's sticking his tongue out and that the kid in front is poking the apple pie with his finger. Wait a minute...what is the point of putting an apple pie in the shot? The marketing people must have figured putting a warm, homey apple pie would tone down the unsettling feeling and make us think this was a nice, average, all-American family. 

When they're not carrying out robberies and murders on the weekends. 

12 comments:

  1. LOL!!! Pam they're creepy as hell alright, but your text here cracked me up!

    But y'know, you did have a good idea about the Halloween mask thing, I can remember some pretty cold Halloweens where one of these would've been perfect for trick or treating!

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  2. LOL - thanks, Doug! Glad you enjoyed it! I crack myself up sometimes...

    I could also see getting a Chewbacca mask made from one of these patterns...well, except for the KKK hood.

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  3. What the h- were they thinking? At first I thought it was a joke, but I don't think it was... crazy and scary!

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  4. Great if you are a skiier ... but soooo creepy!

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  5. I don't know...after that Polar Vortex thing...it is looking a bit enticing!

    Oh, who am I kidding! I'd rather a polyester double-knit jumpsuit than to wear that out in public!

    I wonder how many people were turned off from knitting because of this pattern?

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  6. EEEEEEEEEEEKK! Laughing and crying at the same time! Pam you find the craziest stuff! I love your blog! Thanks for all the laughs and great nostalgia.

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  7. Ha ha! Thanks for the comments, everyone! So glad you enjoyed the post.

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  8. Hat on lower left is a knitted version of the Wizard of Oz's Tinman head piece. See http://www.amorak.net/HeartOfTheTinMan.JPG See how the collar part is ruched, somewhat? Except it's missing the curled handle from the Tinman's funnel hat.

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  9. Just because that's supposed to be the Tin Man doesn't make it any less disturbing to me, or even remotely OK to knit/wear.

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  10. Dave Madden and Russell Johnson die, the Captain and Tennille divorce... where are you?

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  11. Actually, I think I would appreciate this while I am out shovelling out of yet another snowstorm and -30 C temperatures....LOL

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  12. "and that the kid in front is poking the apple pie with his finger" I think that explanation makes me feel better? Cuz I thought it was a bad taxidermy of their orange tabby cat!

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