Who You (Not) Gonna Call?

Ever since I learned that there was going to be a third Ghostbusters movie, I’ve been wanting to write about what a bad, terrible, stinking idea this is. Now that Halloween is fast approaching, it seems like the perfect time to explain why I don’t want to see Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, and Ernie Hudson strap on their proton packs for a third time.

The 1984 Ghostbusters was a classic with lots of laughs, a giant marshmellow man, and was a very original idea for a comedy (who even knew before this film that such a thing as ghost hunters really existed?) It grossed over $500 million in the U.S. alone and spawned all kinds of toys and merchandise (I’m not ashamed to admit I had a Ghostbusters t-shirt.) A video game based on the movie was recently released, to rave reviews. So if director/writer Harold Ramis (who is behind the plans to resurrect the movie franchise) is in it for the money, he’s going to have a hard time living up to the original. Here are some other reasons why the whole idea should just be slimed and scrapped:

There already was a sequel, and it was bad.
Can anyone recall any of the lines in 1989’s Ghostbusters II, or even what the plot was about? My thoughts exactly. I just remember Sigourney Weaver’s character was now a mom and her baby (I can’t even remember if Bill Murray was the dad) was in danger.

Even if it’s funny, it won’t be funny.
What I mean by this is 80s comedy won’t work on today’s audiences. Much of the younger generation of moviegoers have become too accustomed to seeing sex, violence, and low-brow potty humor in their movies. The innocent humor that was so prevalent in PG rated 80s movies will be considered lame to younger viewers. Besides, the movie was just so 80s I’d prefer to leave it there. In Ghostbusters III, people will be summoning the doctors for help via email and iPhones and that is just something I can’t bear to watch.

That theme song.
I liked Ray Parker Jr.’s song when I was 12. Let me repeat that – when I was 12. Hearing it when I’m older means it gets stuck playing on a repeat-play loop in my cranium – not a good thing. The only thing worse would be giving the theme a 21st century hip hop makeover, which Hollywood loves to do with sequels of old movies.

The main characters are all going to have minor parts.
Ramis recently announced that the main characters as played by Murray, Aykroyd, Hudson, and himself will have minor roles in this latest incarnation. So who will star in the movie? Who knows. Perhaps Jack Black and Seth Ronin and whoever other obnoxious, fat, unfunny “comedic” stars are available to humiliate the legacy.

Thank anyways Mr. Ramis, but I'm content to let the Invisible Man stay in my bed (I am single, after all) then call on your ghostbusters this time.